Genetics under the Christmas Tree

I have been chasing the ghosts of my ancestors' dead babies.

The thing about genetics is that it doesn't just belong to you - it belongs to everyone who came before you and it belongs to the generations that come after.

If you are living this particular Hell, you must be doing what I do at family gatherings - look to the left and then to the right. Why did this happen to us instead of to my cousin? I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but in a room full of people with my nose and wide forehead, why did I have to inherit and pass on a deadly genetic mutation? If it isn't me, then it is my husband's genes that are betraying us. Why didn't his bachelor cousin end up with this?
Why us?

This year, like a present with a bow, I may have gotten some answers.

We have asked and asked our families to disclose any stillbirths, miscarriages, fertility issues - anything that might help solve this mystery.

Oh, no, they all said...no answers here OR there. I spent a month chasing down my elderly great aunt looking for an x-linked pattern. I never found it. My mother's mother had some odd fertility patterns, but she also had four children (one boy) and a brother. My mother had one very early miscarriage, but had four healthy children (and two were boys).

My aunt also had miscarriages, but far from full term.

My great grandmother had two miscarriages and a stillborn. AhHa! You say, but that was a dead end, too. The stillbirth was caused by a fall from a ladder while she was painting the house.

The truth of the matter is, I'm not looking for miscarriages. My babies were full term. There are no tiny graves on my side of the family.

Anyway, back to Christmas, where Hubby gets into a discussion with his cousin about his batty wife's inability to hobnob with the in-laws while grieving for her dead children.

Turns out, there is a cousin on his side who also lost babies. FULL TERM BABIES. We are awaiting a phone call from this cousin because we need answers - one baby died at 20 weeks and they didn't know the sex (ambiguous genitalia?). Someone said maybe it had something to do with folic acid (neural tube defect?) I am on pins and needles for this phone call.

I just want answers. I just need answers.